You are viewing jizzmatic2000

jizzmatic2k [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]

[ website | The Official Charlie Cates Fanpage ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ archive | journal archive ]

Call of Chonservatism [Apr. 6th, 2011|04:55 pm]
"As for the Republicans — how can one regard seriously a frightened, greedy, nostalgic huddle of tradesmen and lucky idlers who shut their eyes to history and science, steel their emotions against decent human sympathy, cling to sordid and provincial ideals exalting sheer acquisitiveness and condoning artificial hardship for the non-materially-shrewd, dwell smugly and sentimentally in a distorted dream-cosmos of outmoded phrases and principles and attitudes based on the bygone agricultural-handicraft world, and revel in (consciously or unconsciously) mendacious assumptions (such as the notion that real liberty is synonymous with the single detail of unrestricted economic license or that a rational planning of resource-distribution would contravene some vague and mystical 'American heritage'…) utterly contrary to fact and without the slightest foundation in human experience? Intellectually, the Republican idea deserves the tolerance and respect one gives to the dead."

— H.P. Lovecraft in a letter to C.L. Moore, August 1936

I hesitate to quote Lovecraft mostly because he's said some shockingly racist shit, but I think it makes sense that a guy who created a mythos including a pantheon of gigantic, permanently-writhing, malevolent idiot gods -- each with its own zealous cultists -- knows the GOP so well.
linkJock the D

Hey guys, Ebert's right. [Apr. 20th, 2010|03:54 am]
[music |Buckethead - Rack Maintenance]

Understand that despite being a mediocre, unproductive artist (I guess now I've devolved into an "appreciator of the arts," the saddest type), most serious discussion on that subject of subjectiveness first makes my eyes roll. Then, it bursts the blood vessels controlling the pressure behind them, inflating them to ridiculous proportions. I call it the Total Recall Effect...Collapse )
link17 Jockers of the D|Jock the D

Because Google Reader is being an asshole regarding sharing this item [Apr. 15th, 2010|03:03 am]
This is by the scribe who wrote that scathing review of life in Japan as an American expat last month. It's the counterargument to his previous complaints, and, presumably because the article's host is a videogaming blog, it features many more references to that culture (particularly Dragon Quest) than the original piece. It's an interesting -- if not long -- read even if you don't give a shit about th' vidjagames.

The first article: [ Japan: It's Not Funny Anymore ]
The most recent article: [ The Life of Game: Why I Live in Japan ]
linkJock the D

Hey, don't give a shit about comics? This post is for you! [Mar. 5th, 2010|02:54 am]
[Tags|, , , ]

I just wrapped up issue #6 of 5 in Marvel's Captain America: Reborn saga. The nonsensical numbering is fitting because it is exactly what it looks like: a shoehorned, piece-of-shit ending to a story which already ended one goddamn comic prior.

"I came."

The shame of it is Reborn was pretty good until that tacked-on blooper of a nigh-retcon-bridge to the next big thang. We had Bucky, the replacement Captain America, struggling in a Greek tragedy over assuming the shield. We had super-scientist Hank Pym, who is Giant Man, or Ant-Man, or whomever the fuck else Marvel needs him to be, trying desperately to redeem himself from becoming a raging, selfish asshole. We had love trysts developing between rescuers, conflicting with he who is being rescued. And, goddamnit, Steve Rogers, the original Cap, was trapped in a temporal hell partly manufactured by his Nazi-communist nemesis (??? Glenn Beck must be a big fan.) where he'd continuously relive war horrors over and over and over again. That's pretty heavy stuff for capes 'n' shit.

This issue shits all over that by giving us subpar art, and a story which mimics every Voltron or Power Rangers episode ever made. I hate to give everything away, but there's so little left I can spoil. Here's what happens in #6: Original Captain America defeats Red Skull in an alternate-future Nazi New York, which is really in his mind. Somehow this makes Red Skull leave Cap's head and reappear in a robot body. One of Cap's rescuers tries to destroy the robot body by firing a goddamn growth ray at the ROBOT containing the mind of the most dangerous Nazi since Hitler. They have a fight. Triangle wins. Page later, robot Nazi's down. FUCK YOU!

#6 screams of upper management clumsily searching for a way to top its previous success with the popular Dark Reign saga by forcing its talent to lead in to the Siege storyline, which is Avengers-lite, and -- you guessed it -- features Captain America. C'mon, Marvel. Forced meme is forced.
link5 Jockers of the D|Jock the D

(no subject) [Mar. 2nd, 2010|07:34 am]
[Tags|, , ]

This is mostly for taschenrechner, but since I'm an internet narcissist (which is really just a ballless regular narcissist), it goes here. It will then be shipped by robots to half a dozen other retardedly unnecessary social venues.

Long ago, we found this:
Ms. New Booty, as performed by The Rock-Afire Explosion

That video is perfect. It takes Bubba Sparxxx's tragically hilarious song writing handicap and juxtaposes it with otherwise terrifying animatronics from Showbiz Pizza. The two meld in perfect harmony.

Years later, while reading an article ranking songs by their "booties per second" factor, I came across this version of Bubba's masterpiece:

Ms. New Booty, as performed by [HUTT NOISES]

This video is imperfect, but nearly as hilarious. Both videos feature vocals by a gorilla, but at least the ape from Showbiz Pizza knows not to throw up the horns for an embarrassing, awkward, 15-second pose. That's what you call stage presence.
link7 Jockers of the D|Jock the D

yes. YESSSS [Feb. 10th, 2010|08:03 pm]
The quick brown API updates your remote feeds in real time. Apologies for clogging your friends list/Buzz feed with this.
linkJock the D

(no subject) [Feb. 10th, 2010|07:55 pm]
Awww shit. LJ up innis mahfacka.
linkJock the D

Don't mind this. [Feb. 10th, 2010|06:17 pm]
BRoo boo boo booo boooo
link4 Jockers of the D|Jock the D

iPad is not a (graphics) tablet. [Jan. 27th, 2010|06:22 pm]
[Tags|, , ]

I think Apple misunderstood why we art fags kept clamoring for a tablet year after year after year.

The iPad is, per usual, a sexy status device bringing us one step closer to wielding universal Tricorders (despite its weird-ass return-to-proprietary A4 processor). I don't even really mind that it's an overblown iPod touch with optional 3G capabilities. ...And if you're using it as a reader, it seems to be able to outperform the Nook's or the Kindle's uses (except for the glossy screen and LED backlight, which, you know, aren't great for reading). But who was in charge of making sure we can use this thing as a goddamn graphics tablet? Know what it'd take? A fucking digital video input. That's it. Maybe some pressure sensitivity hardware designed for a pen stylus. On that level, the iPad would've been a tremendous value. Wacom's Cintiq, the best thing on the market, is just a dumb display with fantastic pen sensitivity. If that jobby could handle wi-fi, 3G, and other PDA functions, and be half as stylish as an Apple product, it'd be fucking amazing at its current $900 price tag.

Who knows? Maybe all that jazz is in there already, but if it was, you'd think they'd market it. Plus, I don't think you'll be able to adequately sync displays over USB at this point in time, but maybe they found a way. Again, I'm interested, but until there's a way I can sync my desktop and use this device as an input controller/secondary display, I'll be the weirdo screaming for an Apple tablet at the next keynote.
linkJock the D

This Island Earf. [Dec. 31st, 2009|02:04 pm]
[Tags|, , ]

1) People don't like being told their lifestyle is fucking things up for the rest of us. This dislike is negatively effecting America's perception of science and moderation to the point that a large portion of the country's population regularly denies factual data and takes solace in a deity.

2) In the interest of preserving our species, gathering more resources, and exploring our universe, we need to find other planets to inhabit.

Hypothesis: In addressing problem #1, I think we can restore our view of science and moderation if we allow people to continue their traditions, but change how those kinds of traditions effect their surroundings. If burning tires and NASCAR racing is embraced as a positive endeavor by the global community, I believe we can once again make reason a coveted virtue. I also believe we can solve #2 as a side effect of addressing problem #1.

Proposal: Send all neo-cons to Mars, terraform the red planet.
link12 Jockers of the D|Jock the D

[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]